3 ways to get back at your ex this Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s got you down

It makes your heart frown

Because that ex you had

Still gets you mad.

But it’s time to move on now

Let us show you how.

It’s Valentine’s Day, and for the lovelorn, you can turn your heartbreak into action. Here are three things that will make you smile — and help with animal conservation.

Feed them to a bear

If your ex was a jerk,

And you don’t want him back

You can serve “him” up

To a bear named Yak.

In Oregon, a rehabilitation center is offering a tasty way to help get over your ex. For a donation of $20, you can watch a 1,000-pound bear tear into a salmon with your ex’s name on it.

The Wildlife Images Rehabilitation and Education Center will put your ex’s name on salmon and feed it to its resident bears, Kodi and Yak. To document the moment for posterity, it’ll provide you with a special certificate and photos of the bears gleefully destroying your ex’s salmon namesake.

You may be heartbroken, but you can gloat with petty satisfaction for feeding two giant bears and raising funds for animal conservation.

Bug them to death

If your girlfriend dumped you

And you’re feeling blue

Feed “her” to a meerkat

At the El Paso Zoo.

Two bears wolfing down your salmon ex not gory enough? At the El Paso Zoo, you can name a cockroach after your ex — then have it fed to a meerkat as people gawk from all over the world.

Come Valentine’s Day afternoon, the meerkat exhibit will be decorated with all the submitted names. Then the animals will snack on the roaches as the ensuing carnage is livestreamed on Facebook and on the meerkat webcam. The zoo released a list of some of the names submitted this week. The doomed ex’s first name is listed on dark roaches resting on pink love hearts.

The campaign has been so successful, the zoo is not